Fuck up
I was just writing a post, and somehow, it got fucked up and I deleted it or there was an error or something. I am annoyed because I thought my stream of consciousness was poignant and special. I guess that's a big ol' slap of hubris right in the face, huh? Haha.
I also just found out that an old friend from long, long ago is engaged to her fiance. I am both happy and sad. Bittersweet, I suppose. Somehow even though we were so close, I knew our friendship couldn't last. She found success, and I didn't. I'm still as lost as I was in high school. I wish our paths converged at some point so I could meet her again. But I would also be super embarrassed, because I have accomplished nothing worth telling her. And those old, dreamy, blood-deep emotions of "friends forever" would only bubble up again and hurt us. Or maybe they wouldn't. Actually, I am just happy for her. She deserves to find her peace and her forever love. I wish for her happiness, always.
I suppose I will float along in my own flawed dreamscape until I meet something that stops me and makes me pay attention. Not to say my life is bad, because it's not. I have my own true love, my own dear heart cats, and my own peace. But there's always been something missing.